Sometimes it feels really good to be self-deprecating. It's much easier than giving myself praise or compliments but I think it's time to challenge myself to do the hard thing. I've often been told by family, friends or therapists, "you're too hard on yourself". I usually try to accept it but find that secretly, I don't agree and I end up beating myself up even more. What I've been noticing more and more is that a lot of people in my life do the same sort of thing. We're all hard on ourselves, we push, we struggle, we punish ourselves and we get down on ourselves all the time for every little thing. We hold ourselves to unhealthy and unrealistic standards when it comes to beauty, our definitions of success, how much we accomplish in a day, week, month, year... and where does this negative reinforcement get us? It seems to me that we end up with a mass case of low self-esteem.
Obviously we can agree that low self-esteem is not a good thing but there seems to be an aversion to "self-help" and "new-age-hippie-bullshit-self-esteem-building". It almost feels uncool to try to be happy. But why? I admit, I don't want to start shitting unicorns any time soon, but I do see that when I feel bad about myself a bunch of other negative emotions spring up and start to affect everyone around me. It's not just about me being happy or unhappy but how quickly one or the other state of being can spread to my friends and even strangers. When I'm feeling bad about myself it's easy to feel things like jealousy, anger, resentment, bitterness and fear. Living with these things in my heart and mind mean I usually end up taking it out on someone else whether it's just a negative thought I think about a friend or a comment I make.
So here's the deal, my mom is one of those peace-and-joy-love-and-light types and even though she lives across the country in tiny house surrounded by a garden twice its size, she seems to have a psychic connection to me (or something) and sensed this problem on my mind. She called me up and after a long discussion told me to, "make a list of 27 things you love about yourself and make you worth loving to others". OK mom. Well, I decided to humor her and just try something different, I'm always open to new things.
It took me a week! Every time I tried to sit down to make the list I would find some reason not to. When I finally got down with my pen and paper I felt embarrassed, uncomfortable and just plain weird. But I did it. I made the list. I thought very carefully about each thing. It was hard at first, I know I have good qualities but I'm not used to putting them down on paper and acknowledging them to myself. Surprisingly, with each item it became easier and easier, I tried to search for deep and true qualities, things I really believed and by the end of it I felt amazing!
The day after I made the list I woke up feeling different, I felt peaceful, happy(ish) and I was even smiling. This feeling has carried on for almost a week now and it's spreading. This feeling has helped me take better care of myself. I've been getting more sleep, healing my back, I cleaned and organized my room, I even feel more productive at work! I have more energy to put into my friends and loved ones and I've been getting back to meditation which perpetuates the feeling even more. It must be a combination of factors but I know the list didn't hurt. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't want to start walking around with an over-inflated ego and I don't think that I'll stay in this mood forever, at least not at this point in my life, but it was a nice little reminder: It feels good to feel good.
So now I want you to try it too! Please, please, please! Roll your eyes, call me crazy, scoff and pshhhhaaa and then suck it up and try something new. Something hard. Make a list. 27 things and leave ONE as a comment on this blog post. You can leave it anonymously but try it! I would love to hear what makes you so awesome and even if you can't do the whole list see how it feels to admit one of your good qualities to yourself. I'll start it and you know it's fucking embarrassing so please don't leave me hanging...
I DARE YOU!
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Thursday, October 30, 2008
$$$ Money $$$ Money $$$ Money $$$
Times are tough and money is tight but this is nothing new for some of us. My family always had an abundance of love and creativity to thrive on but we never had an abundance of money (*love you guys!*). Lucky for me, this made for a very interesting childhood to say the least. It also primed me for survival during times of economic crisis... like now!
From about 1985 to '97 my two parents, two sisters and I moved from one trailer to the next almost once a year. And although these trailers were located amidst the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains, filled with my father's art and surrounded by my mother's garden, they were still trailers and we were still a poor, young family. Trailers suck. As money would dwindle at the end of each month, everything from our meals to our family outings would down-shift like clockwork. Things never became bleak though because our dad was always there to read to us and our mom, the eternal optimist, made everything into a game.
"Time to play 'poor girls'" our mom would say. When this was declared we would make the scrimping and saving into something romantic and exciting. We would bake our own bread along with big batches of soup that could be portioned out for a week's worth of lunches and we would find more free ways to have fun! For me, that was then in Virginia and this is now in California. The economy's bad everywhere and depending on how things go next Tuesday we have to be prepared for anything!
Recession getting you down? Turn that frown around in this fabulous town...
Poor Boy/Girl's Guide to SF:
Food and Drink
Cutting back on eating out? Try cutting in half instead! Every time you eat at a restaurant take half to go and make one meal into two. For groceries Trader Joe's seems to have the best prices and offers the the lovely and amazing 2-buck-Chuck for budget drinkers, if beer is your thing it may be time to say hello to PBR. When it comes to morning coffee say goodbye to pumpkin-spice lattes and hello to good 'ol tea and coffee. If you make it at home you're saving a ton, but if you have to grab it on the run I've never seen a large coffee for more than $2.00 and you can spice it up with cinnamon and nutmeg if you want it to taste special. My favorite cafe is my neighborhood spot: Atlas
Transportation
Dude, if you don't already ride a bike now is the time! Save the environment and fatten that piggy bank. My bike is a clunky French bike from the 70s, nothing fancy, but it gets me all over the city and I love it! I spent $150 bucks to make it my own and so far I've saved at least $270 in Muni passes not to mention cab fees and if you drive think about the freedom from gas and parking tickets! Favorite bike shop: Mojo's
Shopping
Forget Union Square, San Francisco's best shopping can be found in the Mission and Lower Haight. First see what you can find at the Goodwill then if you need something more try Out of the Closet and Crossroads. If you want name-brand shit the Crossroads on Fillmore is where rich people seem to sell in this city...
Entertainment
So many great things to do and see here! But my newest favorites are both free live music nights: Sundays at Revolution and Mondays at Amnesia. Both have cozy and intimate atmospheres, interesting people and of course drinks! You get to save on cover fees but try to spare a little for the musicians if the hat is passed, they need it to do what they do!
Education
Money can be lost or stolen but no one can take away your knowledge! No money to spend on a class right now? Reading is the best free learning I can think of! Peel you're eyes off that computer screen and visit the Public Library for hours of no-charge education. Not in the mood for reading... check out some of our great San Francisco museums on the free days!
And Don't Forget To Offer Something Back!
There are lots of free things offered in a big city but it's only because people are generous! Try to find something that you can give freely it feels good and it keeps the whole thing flowing. I cut hair for my friends and decided at some point that I would try to give it away whenever I could. It's a small service to offer but it seems to help people out and it makes me feel good to do something for people I like! So maybe play a song, bake a cake or teach a friend how to make something new! Our city is big but our community is tight, we may get low on money but we all have each other and we rock!
From about 1985 to '97 my two parents, two sisters and I moved from one trailer to the next almost once a year. And although these trailers were located amidst the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains, filled with my father's art and surrounded by my mother's garden, they were still trailers and we were still a poor, young family. Trailers suck. As money would dwindle at the end of each month, everything from our meals to our family outings would down-shift like clockwork. Things never became bleak though because our dad was always there to read to us and our mom, the eternal optimist, made everything into a game.
"Time to play 'poor girls'" our mom would say. When this was declared we would make the scrimping and saving into something romantic and exciting. We would bake our own bread along with big batches of soup that could be portioned out for a week's worth of lunches and we would find more free ways to have fun! For me, that was then in Virginia and this is now in California. The economy's bad everywhere and depending on how things go next Tuesday we have to be prepared for anything!
Recession getting you down? Turn that frown around in this fabulous town...
Poor Boy/Girl's Guide to SF:
Food and Drink
Cutting back on eating out? Try cutting in half instead! Every time you eat at a restaurant take half to go and make one meal into two. For groceries Trader Joe's seems to have the best prices and offers the the lovely and amazing 2-buck-Chuck for budget drinkers, if beer is your thing it may be time to say hello to PBR. When it comes to morning coffee say goodbye to pumpkin-spice lattes and hello to good 'ol tea and coffee. If you make it at home you're saving a ton, but if you have to grab it on the run I've never seen a large coffee for more than $2.00 and you can spice it up with cinnamon and nutmeg if you want it to taste special. My favorite cafe is my neighborhood spot: Atlas
Transportation
Dude, if you don't already ride a bike now is the time! Save the environment and fatten that piggy bank. My bike is a clunky French bike from the 70s, nothing fancy, but it gets me all over the city and I love it! I spent $150 bucks to make it my own and so far I've saved at least $270 in Muni passes not to mention cab fees and if you drive think about the freedom from gas and parking tickets! Favorite bike shop: Mojo's
Shopping
Forget Union Square, San Francisco's best shopping can be found in the Mission and Lower Haight. First see what you can find at the Goodwill then if you need something more try Out of the Closet and Crossroads. If you want name-brand shit the Crossroads on Fillmore is where rich people seem to sell in this city...
Entertainment
So many great things to do and see here! But my newest favorites are both free live music nights: Sundays at Revolution and Mondays at Amnesia. Both have cozy and intimate atmospheres, interesting people and of course drinks! You get to save on cover fees but try to spare a little for the musicians if the hat is passed, they need it to do what they do!
Education
Money can be lost or stolen but no one can take away your knowledge! No money to spend on a class right now? Reading is the best free learning I can think of! Peel you're eyes off that computer screen and visit the Public Library for hours of no-charge education. Not in the mood for reading... check out some of our great San Francisco museums on the free days!
And Don't Forget To Offer Something Back!
There are lots of free things offered in a big city but it's only because people are generous! Try to find something that you can give freely it feels good and it keeps the whole thing flowing. I cut hair for my friends and decided at some point that I would try to give it away whenever I could. It's a small service to offer but it seems to help people out and it makes me feel good to do something for people I like! So maybe play a song, bake a cake or teach a friend how to make something new! Our city is big but our community is tight, we may get low on money but we all have each other and we rock!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
