...my brain on crack. I mean coffee!

5-letter word for "Witticism"... Anyone?

I start a lot of books that I never finish. I hate this about myself.

I try to complete the crosswords but it's almost always impossible without a partner.

When I was 15 I was a lifeguard for the early morning lap swimmers at the community pool.

The girl I worked with would always do crosswords when the boss wasn't around. She was a good crossword partner.

Thank god no old people drowned on our watch! What were we thinking?

One time (at another pool) a kid hit his chin doing a backflip and we had to backboard him. It was one of the scariest moments in my life.

I re-read some old journal entries from 7th and 8th grade recently and found one about the scariest moment.

My best friend and I were in the woods and she had some kind of seizure or something. I remembered hearing that sugar helps and rubbed a crushed up Altoid on her gums.

Weird how stuff like that pops into your mind in times of crisis. It brought the color back and she came-to.

We're still best friends.

When she lived with me in SF for a bit we would sit in our backyard drinking pink wine and philosophizing for hours.

We decided that every good philosophical conundrum ends in a paradox.

Another friend recently told me that he heard that "if it's not paradoxical, it's not true".

Speaking of true, is it true that I am my own worst enemy?

If it is, that might explain the not-finishing-books thing. So irritating. Maybe I can't commit?

But I seem to have no problem hanging on.

Hang on a sec... Oh my god! I just typed "sex" instead of "sec"!

And that was the second time today! No joke, the first was in a gchat and it actually made me blush!

Slip of the left ring finger or Freudian slip?

You decide.

Only you can prevent Forest fires.

Block-Be-Gone!

Fuck. I'm stuck. Writer's block. Life block. The bouquet of rotting flowers on my dresser is a withering mass of wrinkled faces who stare at me from beneath their sleepy lids. Lumpy piles of clothes seem to shift around when I turn my back and my bed is a boat bobbing in an endless sea of dreams. Street sounds assault me in the night, a man in pain, a couple fighting, a gunshot, screaming, laughter. The walls and windows and doors and locks keep me safe and separate. Sometimes I get the feeling that those walls are slowly dissolving. Right now, I'm lucky. The play needs work. Maybe if I clean??? ...On with it!

I read about job cuts in the paper and then I heard about it happening to strangers in my city. It started happening to my friends and then it happened to me. I still have my job (though, no longer 40 hours a week) but the feeling of panic is spreading. The recession is a bitch but I won't let panic rule my world and I'm actually finding that there's a lot to feel great about these days!

The state of things around me is forcing me to do even more thinking than usual about my life and what I'm finding is a fresh feeling of freedom. As I watch people lose material things I empathize with their pain but am reminded that the less attachment I have to "stuff" the better!  I feel so lucky to have my own room, (messy though it may be) and to live in a place where all I need to get around is my bike. I love you bike.

I can't spend as much money going out but when I do I make sure not to skimp on tipping servers and bartenders. If you're going out you better be doing the same! People depend on those few extra bucks.  I'm also hyper-aware of how great my friends are, how wonderful it is to be able to read and listen to music, to have food to eat and awesome Hetch Hetchy water to drink!  Life is good.

I usually try to write some kind of analytical article about whatever interesting thing I recently read or heard about but I just can't!  Today I just want to get out of my head a little and say, "thanks world, I'm alive and it's pretty cool".  When I was a kid one of my favorite teachers was my math teacher from Sri Lanka.  He had lived a luxurious life with his wife and children, (big mansion, lots of expensive things in the house) and they lost everything to rioting robbers during some political upheaval.  He told me that the one thing no one can steal from you is your knowledge and it always stuck with me.  Times are a little harder and they may get worse but at least in this moment, I have the luxury of choosing to feel good despite circumstance.  I hope you do to.

$$$ Money $$$ Money $$$ Money $$$

Times are tough and money is tight but this is nothing new for some of us. My family always had an abundance of love and creativity to thrive on but we never had an abundance of money (*love you guys!*). Lucky for me, this made for a very interesting childhood to say the least. It also primed me for survival during times of economic crisis... like now!

From about 1985 to '97 my two parents, two sisters and I moved from one trailer to the next almost once a year. And although these trailers were located amidst the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains, filled with my father's art and surrounded by my mother's garden, they were still trailers and we were still a poor, young family. Trailers suck. As money would dwindle at the end of each month, everything from our meals to our family outings would down-shift like clockwork. Things never became bleak though because our dad was always there to read to us and our mom, the eternal optimist, made everything into a game.

"Time to play 'poor girls'" our mom would say. When this was declared we would make the scrimping and saving into something romantic and exciting. We would bake our own bread along with big batches of soup that could be portioned out for a week's worth of lunches and we would find more free ways to have fun! For me, that was then in Virginia and this is now in California. The economy's bad everywhere and depending on how things go next Tuesday we have to be prepared for anything!

Recession getting you down? Turn that frown around in this fabulous town...

Poor Boy/Girl's Guide to SF:
Food and Drink
Cutting back on eating out? Try cutting in half instead! Every time you eat at a restaurant take half to go and make one meal into two. For groceries Trader Joe's seems to have the best prices and offers the the lovely and amazing 2-buck-Chuck for budget drinkers, if beer is your thing it may be time to say hello to PBR. When it comes to morning coffee say goodbye to pumpkin-spice lattes and hello to good 'ol tea and coffee. If you make it at home you're saving a ton, but if you have to grab it on the run I've never seen a large coffee for more than $2.00 and you can spice it up with cinnamon and nutmeg if you want it to taste special. My favorite cafe is my neighborhood spot: Atlas

Transportation
Dude, if you don't already ride a bike now is the time! Save the environment and fatten that piggy bank. My bike is a clunky French bike from the 70s, nothing fancy, but it gets me all over the city and I love it! I spent $150 bucks to make it my own and so far I've saved at least $270 in Muni passes not to mention cab fees and if you drive think about the freedom from gas and parking tickets! Favorite bike shop: Mojo's

Shopping
Forget Union Square, San Francisco's best shopping can be found in the Mission and Lower Haight. First see what you can find at the Goodwill then if you need something more try Out of the Closet and Crossroads. If you want name-brand shit the Crossroads on Fillmore is where rich people seem to sell in this city...

Entertainment
So many great things to do and see here! But my newest favorites are both free live music nights: Sundays at Revolution and Mondays at Amnesia. Both have cozy and intimate atmospheres, interesting people and of course drinks! You get to save on cover fees but try to spare a little for the musicians if the hat is passed, they need it to do what they do!

Education
Money can be lost or stolen but no one can take away your knowledge! No money to spend on a class right now? Reading is the best free learning I can think of! Peel you're eyes off that computer screen and visit the Public Library for hours of no-charge education. Not in the mood for reading... check out some of our great San Francisco museums on the free days!

And Don't Forget To Offer Something Back!
There are lots of free things offered in a big city but it's only because people are generous! Try to find something that you can give freely it feels good and it keeps the whole thing flowing. I cut hair for my friends and decided at some point that I would try to give it away whenever I could. It's a small service to offer but it seems to help people out and it makes me feel good to do something for people I like! So maybe play a song, bake a cake or teach a friend how to make something new! Our city is big but our community is tight, we may get low on money but we all have each other and we rock!

Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll... and little kids?

Do you have a connection to Valentín Gómez Farías Primary School? You might if you do coke.

I live in San Francisco and after a weekend in LA I especially appreciate it here! My city is full of artists and creative people, culture and diversity. I live in the Mission District and happen to go out a lot in the area surrounding 16th and Valencia, as do many people I know. Walking (or riding your bike) around my neighborhood you'll see lot's of Hipsters out and about and since it's a culture I'm surrounded by it's a culture I'm influenced by. Out on this "scene" I've been exposed to interesting people, great music, art and fashion but an element (that I used to be) unaware of seems to be popping up more and more. Easy to miss if your not looking but not surprising once you notice it; cocaine seems to be everywhere.

What does this have to do with Valentín Gómez Farías Primary School in Tiujana Mexico? More than you might think...

I don't post this as judgement or criticism towards anyone, none of us are perfect. Today I write in an effort to expand the self-centered bubble that a lot of us operate from (myself included).

As I sat in a cafe yesterday sipping tea and reading the NY Times I came across this article. I was shocked and disturbed but mostly I felt a deep sadness for the children who will never be able to remove those violent images and events from their minds. As I contemplated what I had read it occurred to me that the demand for drugs like cocaine, especially in big cities like San Francisco, is really high and even seems to be rising. I reflected on how many people I've observed either "partying" or just experimenting and got the feeling that people don't often think too much about where their drugs are coming from. When a sack is passing from the dealer's hands to yours you may feel nervous, excited, a little worried about your own safety but mostly it's all about you, you, you. It's easy to be careless and self-destructive with ourselves but we forget how connected we are to everyone else.

According to another article in the NY Times, "Over 3,000 people have been killed this year as Mexico's drug gangs fight for control of smuggling routes into California, Arizona and Texas. The killings and kidnappings have spilled over into the United States, where the demand for illicit drugs drives the trade." These things have been going on for a long time and will (unfortunately) probably continue... But it's just too easy to feel removed and separated from it. Children have impressionable and sensitive minds and these children in Mexico are being bombarded with violence that has nothing to do with them! The first article I linked states that; "Exchanging gruesome stories is nothing new for schoolchildren, who have a way of overstating their brushes with danger. But the 12 tortured, tongueless bodies that were the talk of the playground recently were no exaggeration. In the early hours of Sept. 29, the bodies of 11 men and one woman, bound and partly dressed, were found in an abandoned lot opposite the school."

Drugs are a part of our society, whether prescribed by a doctor or obtained off the black market. From Ibuprofen to Heroin, drugs are used and abused everyday by almost everyone in our society on some level. It's easy to focus on how this affects us and the people in our immediate lives but it was an interesting reminder to me that although I may be the center of my own universe I'm not alone in this world! Like a lot of my friends and acquaintances, I try to practice conscious consuming when it comes to my clothes and the food I put into my body because I know about some of the negative aspects of these industries. When it comes to illegal industries and drug cartels it's not just bad for all involved with production and distribution, it's harming society on so many different levels. If you're a consumer of drugs it's just something else to think about...