Lyrics to an old folk song say;
"Keep on the sunny side, always on the sunny side, keep on the sunny side of life"
Well, I've been on the sunny side, I've been on the shady side, I've been in almost complete darkness and what I've learned is that I can't just keep on one side! Trying to be happy when I'm not seems to backfire in a big way and just when I feel I've totally overindulged in sadness and melodrama the sun comes out! The world is my school right now and I guess this my personal lesson for today.
I used to think that I had some kind of control over all of this flip-flopping. Like if I wanted to I could will myself to be happy, just look at things the right way or put things in perspective. Well, this is true (to a degree) but it just doesn't feel right all the time. What I keep re-learning is that life is full of opposites. Not only are things double sided, things are multi-sided, multi-dimensional and constantly changing.
I can't predict when I'm going to be up or down. I don't know if it's chemical, circumstantial, intellectual, emotional or just a combination of these factors and more. Today I feel like I'm on the sunny side, and it's not because of anything outside of myself. I'm carrying out a normal work day, I'm broke as a joke, I didn't get a ton of sleep last night but I feel clear-minded and strong. The weather is nice, I have everything I could possibly need and more and I have the means and capacity to learn which is the greatest thing I can think of.
I've spent my entire life in school and when I graduated from college (in May 2007) I began discovering my non-school education. Life is full of opportunities for learning and some of the hardest things to learn cannot be taught in a class. For me, now is the time for challenging the way things have been and carefully observing the way that they are in the present. Part of this is flowing with the ups and downs, the sun and the rain. My mistakes are my lessons, my surroundings are my classrooms and the people in my community are my fellow students. When nothing else makes sense my dreams show me parts of the mystery and my art is my way of interpreting it. Some days will be dark and some days will be sunny but on either side there is always something to be learned. Cool.