We Need To Talk

Hello Blog,

It's been awhile since we last spoke. As you know, the year is now 2009 and in 3 days I'll be another year older myself.

I'm sorry I've been neglecting you but the thing is, I told you from the start I'm not interested in being monogamous right now. I know you get it though. You see, I've been writing a short play. I know! I know.

Yeah, he's pretty cute. It's just he's a little more artsy you know, he's a free thinker and you, well, I love your sense of structure and the way you make me think about things other than myself. You're more of an intellectual than him, and you know that turns me on, but, with him, it's just, I don't have to follow any rules! I love the freedom and there's this element of danger and excitement. He makes me nervous. And I like it.

And just to get it all out on the table now, I should probably tell you that I've been going on more auditions. It's wonderful and heartbreaking all at the same time and I intend on doing as many as I can in the year to come. I know my acting makes you feel a little threatened sometimes and you seem to have a hard time trusting me but that's just ridiculous! It's my passion, it will always be a huge part of me but it doesn't mean I don't care about you too. I just feel so free right now!

Ok, ok. I'm sorry. You don't need to hear about all of this. I just wanted to get it out in the open, let you know what's been going on. I'm changing and it feels great! I'm having fun, making mistakes, trying new things, reflecting on all that has passed this year and I think I might even be learning from it! If you're open to things being a little different, I'd love to keep this thing going and see where it takes us.

Let me know darlin',
I like you.

Oh yeah, THAT'S what I do!

Today (in most ways) is like any other day in my work week. There was a meeting this morning, a few text messages between myself and my roommate, some online chatting with the other 9-5ers, coffee, coffee, coffee... and this heat!

This heat is getting to my head. Despite the fact that I grew up in humid Virginia, ever since I've lived here I've become a weather wimp. I'm spoiled by our great weather so this past week, (in this heat) I find myself melting and my mind drifting! Dizzy, fuzzy and overwhelmed by boredom and lack of sleep my mind starts its usual mischief; I start daydreaming, fantasizing, staring out the window, pondering my existence, worrying about things, laughing to myself, and then the impulsiveness starts to kick in: How can I do something to affect my state of being? Who can I call? Who can I text? Why didn't that guy ever call me back? What should my next tattoo be? When should I start thinking about moving again? And on and on...

Just when I think I'll be stuck in this rut all day something out of the ordinary happens! A little message in my inbox! Yay! I got it! I have an audition. And my whole body snaps out of the funk, just like that. I have something to work towards now. I have less than a week to get my shit together, brush up my pieces, print out some headshots and resumes, and prepare for my little show. Because that's how I look at auditions these days. It's a chance to perform. A chance to say something and a chance to do a one person show for an intimate audience where the pressure is on but ultimately the outcome is out of my control. It's a chance to do what I love for five minutes. A rush. And I remember who I am again. Everything else momentarily fades into the background and this little project takes center stage. I have an audition, and right now, that's all that I want to think about.