Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Relax Baby Be Cool

For a girl with no TV I somehow manage to watch quite a bit. (Thank you friends and Internet.)

I just finished Season 1 of "Californication". Love it. But I fear it can only go downhill.

Old TV character crush. Handsome but I've moved on, sorry Don.

New TV character crush. Come on! He's horribly flawed, witty, sexy and gets into the occasional fist fight!

(*Note to self: Stop talking about imaginary boyfriends in public forum.)

Still recovering from a 4-day bender with friends from out of town.

I had to give them the drinking tour of my city! What?

I finally swallowed some vitamins and forced myself to go for the morning run.

Well, by run I mean jog.

And by jog I mean jog/walk.

I'm working back up to it!

Friends can bring out the mischievous side.

Reading this article though, I learned that friends can actually be good for our health too!

You know what's not good for our health?


I know, I know, everyone has linked this. But dude! This shit does not get old!

(*Um, second note to self: Stop swearing in your blog. Who are you a 15-yr-old boy? WTF?)

It's terrifying.

I got chills just now looking at it. And not the good kind.

At least those chills gave me momentary relief from this heat.

Stay cool friends.

At least you know you're cooler than me.

(Well, everyone except you, Joey.)

Friday, April 17, 2009


Come to find out, meditation is not necessarily about clearing your mind of all thoughts but rather noticing the thoughts as they come and go. The practice of noticing, checking in, coming back to something like the breath. I'm beginning to see my artistic life in a similar way.

As an artist I am constantly questioning and redefining my identity. Noticing where I am and continuing to deepen and expand whatever work I'm doing whether it be an acting project, a new painting or a piece of writing.

Moving forward, staying awake. Eyes open, ears pricked, mind alert and heart expanding.

The teachers in the school of life are sometimes difficult to identify. They're all around but every once in awhile we dreamers and creators must be our own teachers too. We have to set our own standards and continue to ask what are we doing and why?

Today, this is where I'm at. Add your thoughts to the list and perhaps we can learn something from each other.

My rules as of this moment:
  • Have something to say. If the impulse is there but the purpose is unclear work towards specificity.
  • Do everything possible to open and expand the mind.
  • Read.
  • Find role models and note the specific reasons you admire them and the specific reasons you don't.
  • Be willing to compromise but only to a point.
  • Develop artistic integrity, don't be afraid to say no.
  • Keep money separate. Money motivated art is likely to be shit.
  • Daily practice. Do/make some art every day.
  • Allow yourself to be moved as much as possible and wonder at the beauty of your heart.
  • Make room for the simultaneous existence of genius, mistakes, perfection and shit.
  • Daydream, nightdream, fantasize and actualize.
  • Ask lots of questions.
  • Yes, people are judging you. Sit with that.
  • Re-write these rules as often as possible.

Friday, April 10, 2009 brain on crack. I mean coffee!

5-letter word for "Witticism"... Anyone?

I start a lot of books that I never finish. I hate this about myself.

I try to complete the crosswords but it's almost always impossible without a partner.

When I was 15 I was a lifeguard for the early morning lap swimmers at the community pool.

The girl I worked with would always do crosswords when the boss wasn't around. She was a good crossword partner.

Thank god no old people drowned on our watch! What were we thinking?

One time (at another pool) a kid hit his chin doing a backflip and we had to backboard him. It was one of the scariest moments in my life.

I re-read some old journal entries from 7th and 8th grade recently and found one about the scariest moment.

My best friend and I were in the woods and she had some kind of seizure or something. I remembered hearing that sugar helps and rubbed a crushed up Altoid on her gums.

Weird how stuff like that pops into your mind in times of crisis. It brought the color back and she came-to.

We're still best friends.

When she lived with me in SF for a bit we would sit in our backyard drinking pink wine and philosophizing for hours.

We decided that every good philosophical conundrum ends in a paradox.

Another friend recently told me that he heard that "if it's not paradoxical, it's not true".

Speaking of true, is it true that I am my own worst enemy?

If it is, that might explain the not-finishing-books thing. So irritating. Maybe I can't commit?

But I seem to have no problem hanging on.

Hang on a sec... Oh my god! I just typed "sex" instead of "sec"!

And that was the second time today! No joke, the first was in a gchat and it actually made me blush!

Slip of the left ring finger or Freudian slip?

You decide.

Only you can prevent Forest fires.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Contemplating Attachments

Today I will make vegan cupcakes with tofutti "cream cheese" frosting.

The last time I attempted vegan cupcakes I made them chocolate with green mint frosting.
Everyone called them "toothpaste cupcakes".

I'm determined to redeem myself today! However, in the spirit of this post, I will try not to become attached to a particular outcome. These will be my "go-with-the-flow" cupcakes.

Getting my hair chopped was a good reminder of how easy it is to become attached to stuff, (in this case a mess of dead cells). The day before my scheduled cut I stood outside Little Star, waiting for Amanda to get us a table and found myself drifting off into a hair stroking trance. I caught my reflection in the window and took hold of my longer locks. I started running my fingers down from root to tip and repeated this motion unconsciously until,

"SHAKTI! What are you doing? I got us a table!"

"Dude, I'm not psychic, I was waiting for you to tell me! Lemme lock up my bike."

Really I had just zoned out but the point of this stupid story is that I realized I don't want to be tied down by my attachments. I know I'll always have certain attachments. I'm not a saint and don't plan on becoming one but I also don't want to get to a point in my life where my clinging to material things is running the show! The hair thing got me thinking...

The new chop has brought with it a new sense of freedom! I'm re-inspired to continue minimizing my stuff and since I'm going to be moving in August, I have a real excuse for getting rid of things.

Letting go can be really hard but one of the things I keep hearing at these Buddhist meditations is that it's the clinging that causes the suffering. I find this to be true in my own experience so it's interesting to experiment with what happens when you let go of stuff for starters.

I'll clear out some trash and clutter from my room and then move on to bigger things such as the boxes of "mystery junk" under the bed and in the closet. As I go through the bits and pieces I'll try to be mindful of what I'm feeling or experiencing.

Today my practice is a cupcake/cleaning meditation.

Speaking of attachments, what's with people spending tons of money on engagement rings??? This is kind of like the baby thing from the last post. I just really want to hear your thoughts.

Sometimes I feel like we just continue to accept things because "that's just the way things are".

I hate this.

Oh, and another thing, I might be showing some paintings in the near future.
More on that later...

Friday, April 3, 2009

Sink-Top Notes

This morning two tubby men in suits stopped to scope out a parked motorcycle as I jogged towards them.

Yes men, you are manly and adventurous. I see, I see!

Little sis called and said, "I cut off my hair, and it wasn't because I got broken up with! I just did it for me!"

(Ladies love the "break-up-and-then-transform-yourself-physically" move.)

Yes little sis! You rock! And I've decided to do the same. Hair chopping set for Sunday!

...Then this morning I got a "time for friendship" note from a recent not-quite-friend. The universe has foiled my plans again!

Slightly more single than I was, the hair will be chopped into the "fresh on the market" look.

Yoga + Running + Biking = I could eat a [tofu] cow!

Why does self-tanning lotion make your skin smell salty?

Gmail is amazing
Gchat is the devil

Mark Morford makes me giggle yet again.

On that note, why are people so afraid of sex? I don't get it.

Final thought: People having babies.